As older adults, we have experienced the ups and downs that life brings. With that experience, we have acquired “attachments” to certain ideas. These become reinforcing beliefs as we stay in our “comfort zone.” For instance, many of us have tried all sorts of ways to manage our body weight, and all through these different “diet plans, we may have lost the desired weight only to put it back on again, and in many cases, even more than we lost! The story or beliefs we now have, based on these failed experiences, is that we can’t lose weight.
So, how do we overcome these mental attachments?
Here is my story.
About eight years ago, my daughter, her husband, and my spouse and I went out to get a bite to eat. It was Christmas time here in Florida, and my weight issue was simple. While I was standing, my daughter took a side shot picture of me. My belly was hanging over my belt line. Everyone had a good laugh when I gave a shout out to my new “beer belly” which really wasn’t that new. The very next day that picture shot through me to my core. For quite a while, I held a story; my story, that the extra 30 lb I had gained over a period of 10 years couldn’t helped. I didn’t have the time to work it off. As a full-time caregiver to my spouse, it was just the way it was and is. As a matter of fact, I had all sorts of attachments to being a full-time caregiver. ” Ican’tt do what I want when I want. I couldn’t do this, and I couldn’t do that.” On top of that, I also held a story about myself that I was always in trouble. Particularly in making ends meet. and this was what was really bothering me.
We all have these thoughts and beliefs about ourselves. And you know what? They may be our reality, but they are not reality. They are the product of my “False and Failed intentions.”
Intention- “Intentions are mental states in which the agent (me) commits myself to a course of action.” Now, this goes on all the time in my head, and when I don’t follow through, it is absolutely a “false intention.” In other words, I lied to myself, which also means that I was not “impeccable with my word” to myself.
“Breaking the lying to myself habit.”
How did I break this vicious cycle of lying to myself about my weight? I called a close friend and shared with him the fact that I was decieving myself about having this “Intention of losing the weight.”I wasn’t taking the actions I visualized. By sharing this and being vulnerable about my weakness, I could now be accountable to him. I committed to him that I would start by taking two steps toward my goal of losing 25 pounds. I am going to ride my bike three times per week for a minimum of 45 minutes and cut down on the bread intake. And we agreed that I would speak with him next week to confirm that I had taken the action of my intent.
Within two weeks, I had dropped 1.5 pounds. Sure, it was only 1.5 pounds, but after a month, it was three! I now had momentum and a new healthy habit. Getting on the bike was now actually joyful! I admit cutting way down on the bread wasn’t actually delightful, but I still had my peanut butter on toast, but one slice was enough. It became a real treat! So did eating more vegetables. I improved my diet, and also Deb’s (my spouse) because I do all the cooking as a full-time caregiver.
As I gained more confidence and momentum over the next 14 months, I went from 200 pounds to 175! The major factor in my success was threefold.
1.) I reached out and shared my problem authentically and vulnerably with someone I could trust to be straight with me.
2.) I visualized myself as a fit personal trainer. (This was a longer-term goal)
3.) My commitments ( the actions of my intention) were accountable to another human being.
The major takeaway to this post is that I could not lose the weight all by myself. I needed encouragement from a trusted friend and/or professional coach who understood.
Today, I am full of gratitude for so many things.. particularly for my friends, my coaches, and family. And I try everyday to hold this intention… “To be grateful “
So “Carpe Diem!”
